I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
