Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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