Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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