i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
