If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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