At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
