When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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