My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
