I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize