haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
im six kinds of drunk right now
My cat gives me a boner
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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