I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
