singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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