so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
not ubering you a puppy
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
