Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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