I wanna passion pit in your ass
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
