Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
