i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
