she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
