turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
