I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
