I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
