So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
