thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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