I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
