I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
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