So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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