dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
