My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Be still, my beating vagina.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
