Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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