people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
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All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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