Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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