Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
