Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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