8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
