the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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