I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
