I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I don't think brook has ever known best
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
