I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
