i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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