the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
