only if we run a train.
done.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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