he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I need to sanitize my soul.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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