Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
