it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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