the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
