u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
