The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
