i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
