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made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
