Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
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