I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
