Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
