She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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