What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
