why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
