dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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