Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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