Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
