well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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