I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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