Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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