I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
