Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
