in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
