ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
