Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
