I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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