THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
