Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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