I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
