they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
