oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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