I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
is that a dick in a sweater?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
