just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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