you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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