You're so nebulous sometimes
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
