tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
