p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
